This is what happens when a player rolls on the background chart

Received this from one of my old school players.
You can download the "mildly plausible backgrounds" here.

Private message to the DM, I wrote a passage in the book of Twindleweed where paranoid old Twindleweed tries to figure out what to do about his god problem. He comes to the solution that he should secretly pledge his allegiance to Loki and have the Knights of the Free Lord of Never Winter Wood do Loki's bidding in exchange for protection from the wrath of Odin. The following is that passage: I suppose at some point I’ll need to address the mastodon in the room. Or should I say the one-eyed mastodon in Valhalla. My issues with Odin leave me troubled, despite him not killing me yet at any moment my life could be forfeit and while I’m sure Valhalla will be a nice place I’m not quite ready to give up the sins of the flesh just yet. Flinklitior has recommended that I make peace with Odin, make an offering and see if I can get back into his good graces.

While this would solve my problem of impending doom around any corner by the hands of an omnipotent being, it is unsatisfactory because I hate Odin. How dare he abandon me, for such a crime of indulging myself? I replaced the offering, all bee it with a substance of far lesser value, but he never takes the offerings anyways. All of the herb would have stayed there to rot until some priest got tired of the smell. My problem truly lies with Odin’s omnipotence; his power is unmatchable by any being in this realm of existence. However it occurs to me that his power is not unmatched in all realms. His omnipotence is over me however not over all things, the other gods for example are not bound to his power, they fight each other as men and elves and dwarfs do in this realm.

Perhaps this is my answer, if I was to pledge my services to another god in exchange for protection from Odin I could live free of my fear. But whom shall I contact and what do I have to offer? I need a being who would agree and see value in my service, for if I am refused Odin will hear of it and I will be stuffed and cooked over the sun for all eternity. Loki the trickster god, he is always plotting and scheming.

My services could useful to him. He would see me an asset perhaps and lying to fellow gods is certainly something that he may do. But what do I have to offer? Well the Knights of the Free Lord of Never Winter Woods are a good start, Flinklitior may be a dope but he a royal dope. I have his ear and he looks for me for counsel, I could have the Free Knights do Loki’s bidding. Perhaps this will be enough, I have to hope so as the alternative is making peace with the vial horse turd Odin.

Well, let it be known Loki. I have a proposition for you. Come forth and hear my offer for you.